Why Starting Sex Therapy Can Feel Daunting
Starting any new therapy can feel daunting. Meeting someone new, talking about past traumas, sharing intimate details with a person you've never met before - it's a lot. When it comes to sex therapy, that anxiety can feel even more heightened.
Many of the people I work with come to sex therapy carrying something they have never told anyone else. Some have a general therapist they see regularly but don't want to bring this particular topic to. For many, sexuality is something they have spent years - sometimes a lifetime - keeping hidden. So it makes sense that taking that first step feels scary.
Does Sex Therapy Involve Touch?
Because sex therapy sits alongside physical and psychological difficulty, I also know there can be questions about what it actually involves - and whether touch plays any part. To be clear: if you are seeing a therapist who is registered or accredited with COSRT, there will be absolutely no touch in sessions whatsoever.
What Happens During a Sex Therapy Session?
So what does happen? Sessions are a space to explore what's going on through a bio-psycho-social and cultural lens - looking at the biological, psychological, and social factors at play. Together we work out what's maintaining the difficulty and what might be getting in the way of you reaching your goals. We look at past experiences, future anxieties, and draw on whatever therapeutic approaches fit best for you.
How I Approach Sex Therapy in Practice
In my own practice, I work a lot with the nervous system and how it influences sexual dysfunction. I focus heavily on normalising shame and understanding its impact on sexuality. I use EMDR to process trauma and anxiety, parts work to explore the different aspects of self that can show up around sexuality and intimacy, and hypnopsychotherapy to work with the unconscious patterns and beliefs that often sit underneath sexual difficulty. The approach is always tailored - no two clients are the same, and the modalities I draw on will depend on what feels most useful for you.
Will There Be Exercises Between Sessions?
Most sex therapists will also offer exercises to work on between sessions - these might be reflective or writing tasks, or they might involve touch and exploration. Importantly, none of this happens in the room. All exercises take place privately, and sessions are used to review, update, and troubleshoot.
How Long Does Sex Therapy Take?
Sex therapy looks different for everyone, but at its core it is a talking-based therapy - solution-focused, collaborative, and aimed at helping you move towards your goals. Some clients work with me on a short-term basis, around six sessions, while others stay for much longer - sometimes years. How long the process takes depends on what you're working towards and how you engage with it. In my experience, the single biggest factor in whether clients reach their goals isn't the number of sessions — it's what happens between them. Clients who commit to the exercises outside of the room consistently make the most progress. The work done in session matters, but the work done in your own time is where real change tends to happen.